Just My Shelby

My Shelby is an angel, a doll. No, I know every mother thinks this, but it's true. She has a sweet, deep laugh and smells so delicious. She loves cuddling and smiling and playing. I miss her when she's not here.

We waited three long years to bring her home.

We started trying to have a baby as soon as we were married. For months nothing happened. Late that first year, I began bleeding severely and worried I might have had a miscarriage. I hadn't but an ultrasound and later MRI revealed I had a septated uterus. My doctor explained that this could both be preventing pregnancy and causing miscarriages I wasn't aware of.

My husband and I made plans to see a specialist for surgery. We quickly found out it was a complicated surgery, that, with our insurance at the time was going to break us.

Then, that month, I had a positive pregnancy test. We were ecstatic. We were so happy. Then, at seven weeks, we lost the baby. Devastated, it would be a year before I was able to have the surgery to correct my condition. It was a difficult year, especially around that Christmas, when that baby would have been due.

After my surgery, we began trying as soon as we were cleared. Months went by with no results. Twelve other couples we knew began trying to get pregnant the same month we did, everyone got pregnant the first month except us. I kept praying and although I was happy for our friends, I couldn't understand why this wasn't happening for us. I tried to keep positive. At the same time, I resisted the urge to look at cute baby clothes with expecting friends, fearing that it would be too painful after our loss and now our failure to conceive again.

The fourth month, I was one week late. I tried not to get too excited, but bought a test. The test came back inconclusive. I didn't know what to think. Then, the same day my sister-in-law's water broke, I started my period. I felt as if God was telling me, "It's just not meant to be." While happy for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, I cried not understanding why this was so difficult for us. We were doing everything right.

I went the next month for my annual visit at the OB-GYN. She was concerned that we were not able to conceive. She also could see the emotional toll it was taking. She made me a deal: if I wasn't pregnant by January (this was the end of October), we would start on fertility meds. It wasn't my first choice, but nothing else we had tried worked.

November came and I was a week late again. I refused to get my hopes up this time. In fact, I went and bought a test just to prove to myself it would be negative. When two lines appeared, I was stunned. I cried, but I was so scared of losing this baby too.

I prayed for Our Lady of Guadalupe to protect both myself and my tiny growing baby.

The following July I was nervously nearing my time to become a mama, being prepped for a c-section. When I heard my husband exclaim, "it's a girl!" I could hardly believe it. It was real. This was my daughter. After she was intubated, I heard her cry. They brought her by my head so I could look at her.

My husband had tears in his eyes when I asked him, "What do you think about Shelby Clare for a name?"

"That would be beautiful," he answered.

So, yes, I think she is special and beautiful and smart, because she's just my Shelby.